What’s with the Cereal?
WHAT’S WITH THE CEREAL is the #1 FAQ about TBOX. Watch this 2-Minute summary video so you know what to expect at this years TBOX on Saturday, December 10th!!!
Watch the video below to get a grasp on what it’s REALLY like to do a cereal shot at one of your most beloved bars in Wrigleyville…
Cereal is one of the GREATEST parts of TBOX! TBOX provides thousands of boxes of cereal for the day and you can bring your own box too! Our TBOX Bar Hosts, Royals, and Street Team members will be feeding you cereal shots throughout the day so you can get the full TBOX experience!
The Whole Story, as Told by Mister Festa…
Back in 19xx while in high school in Vero Beach, Florida, I had started to become aware of beer sometime in 10th grade. Believe it or not, I was not one of the Cool Kids — but I was invited to my first keg party around St Patrick’s Day. The cool kids (known as “The Hippies”) hosting the party made me and my other newbie partier friends drink an entire large bucket filled with green beer, topped off with an entire box of Lucky Charms poured into it. I wasn’t able to finish it all, but the results a few minutes later in the driveway were… colorful.
I didn’t think much of this until St. Patrick’s Day 8 years later when I was briefly living in Miami before moving to Chicago. Some of my high school friends came down for the weekend, and just on a lark for nostalgia, we took a box of Lucky Charms out with us to the bars. And WOW! Literally EVERY GIRL came up asking for cereal. We were the center of attention, I got all kinds of phone numbers, and people thought it was incredibly cool.
When I moved to Chicago, I started taking boxes of Cap’n Crunch with me to the small bar crawls I threw for my Accenture co-workers, and everybody still loved it. So at the first TBOX, OF COURSE I took 2 boxes of cereal with me. At that point, the ostensible — and still valid — reason for the cereal was to give you energy and line your stomach for the long day of partying. Nothing like processed flour and 500 grams of sugar to keep you vertical through 12 bars! And because it was cute and fun, everyone soon started bringing cereal.
But in the Year 2000, it suddenly became something much, much more. At the first bar of TBOX5, seeing my friend Tammy waiting in the elevated seats by the front door of Sheffield’s, I decided to surprise her by not just handing her some cereal, but pouring the entire box into her mouth. And right there, THE CEREAL SHOT was born.
I had been inspired sometime before by having an “Upside Down Margarita” — and I felt that with the LONG day of partying, doing CEREAL shots was an innocent way to do a shot without excessive drinking. It has also proved to be a very “cinematic” element of TBOX. And from then on, the volume, velocity, and variety of Cereal Shots has grown and grown.
At each bar of TBOX (barring a few which require it to be done outside), our bar hosts provide cereal shots to crawlers, and we also encourage you to bring your own box of cereal as part of your “flair” for the day.
How to Do a Cereal Shot
- Taking a Shot from The Scoop from one of the Bar Hosts or Royal Court Members
This is probably the safest for beginners, and a nice way to ease into the whole thing. If you’re into “Portion Control” and not ready to go all the way, then this is the way to go for you!
- Straight from the Box, Shallow Angle
If you don’t have a scoop handy, any friend or fellow TBOXer can administer the shot directly from the box. Make sure to FULLY UNZIP the plastic liner and fluff it open, OR, in advance, take all the cereal out of the liner, dump it back in the box, and dispose of the liner. This ensures a cleaner and more streamlined path from box to mouth.
- Straight from the Box, 90 Degrees
If you are ready to go all the way, then take the entire box, follow instructions above, but get ready to take THE WHOLE THING. Be certain to either wear Protective Eyewear or at least CLOSE YOUR EYES, and OPEN YOUR MOUTH AS WIDE AS POSSIBLE. Try to relax your throat muscles, and have a beverage handy to help wash the whole thing down. If you’re wearing loose clothing, try to cinch it up beforehand, or you’ll end up with Froot Loops in your Fruit of the Looms.
- Group Shots
Feel free to do a 2-on-2, 1-on-3, 3-on-1, or ANY COMBINATION you choose. We’re all about freedom of expression and individuality at TBOX! The more cinematic, and the more theatrical, the better!
- Recording Your Cereal Shots
Position cameras in at least 3 angles to capture the shot from every key point of view. It’s best to have at least 3 timed shots: “The Anticipation” / “The Deluge” / and “The Aftermath”
- Chew and Swallow
Hey, don’t waste food! No spitting out! This is your nourishment for the day and you need to keep your blood sugar up!
- Beware the Powder
Be warned, if you are getting to the bottom of the box, you might end up with a faceful of cereal powder. If you are GIVING the cereal shot to someone who hasn’t read this, then it’s a great way to punk your friends… they’ll end up looking more like the just partied with Charlie Sheen than the innocent fun they’re really having!
Mister Festa Rates His Favorite Cereals for TBOX
Below are Mr. Festa’s personal comments on some of the most popular TBOX Cereals.
Cap’n Crunch (Regular)
PROS: It’s the Classic, and the Original. It has a delicate, oaky finish and a wonderful consistency.
CONS: It will rip the inside of your mouth to freaking SHREDS if you’re not careful.
Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch
PROS: Really filling, really rich. Complete, robust flavor and nutty finish. If you have the munchies, this is the way to go. And, mercifully, they are ROUND and SMOOTH, unlike the original CC, and pose no hazard of sharp edges.
CONS: Peanut butter breath. And after a huge mouthful of this stuff, you’re going to really want some milk, and at TBOX, as Ron Burgundy might say, “Milk is a BAD CHOICE!”
PROS: Combines the straight-up sugar shock of regular CC with the color dynamic and “Fruit Flavor” of the Berries.
CONS: Having both the square “pillows” of the CC and the round “Berry Balls” in your mouth at the same time can confuse your chewing angles.
Capn Crunch (Christmas Crunch)
PROS: If you can find it, fantastic! Thematic and everything.
CONS: Tends to be particularly apt to “Powder Shots.”
PROS: Trix are really, really colorful and show up fantastic on film. They’re just the right weight and density. And we think they contain 1% real fruit juice, so you might get some Vitamin C out of the deal. And who doesn’t love the Trix Rabbit??
CONS: These babies tend to really get stuck in your teeth, and if you don’t check your smile in the mirror, you’ll end up looking like some kind of freak or carny.
PROS: Small, light, and REALLY colorful; Aerodynamic; Sweet, citrusy, almost floral bouquet.
CONS: If you’re hungry, they’re a little too light and don’t really fill you up. And for outdoor shots, they tend to blow in the wind and may miss your mouth. And, they can also really get stuck and make your dental work look like a kaleidoscope.
PROS: Really, really great tasting, super-colorful, and the marshmallows are divine. Many feel that having Lucky Charms actually brings good luck. And who doesn’t love the Leprechaun?
CONS: Although they’re great at TBOX, personally, I (Mr. Festa) like to save them for St. Patrick’s Day. They’re just so perfect for that, and there are so many other good cereals for TBOX.
PROS: Really colorful, really tasty, the ring shape is great! And who doesn’t love Toucan Sam?
CONS: Though they are round, they tend to have rough edges that can scrape your mouth. Also, if you’re hungry, the straight fruit flavor can be overpowering and doesn’t go great with beer.
PROS: Taste like candy; Full body and aroma
CONS: They tend to blast out of the box and pelt your face like buckshot; the monochrome brown/tan doesn’t show up well on film.
PROS: Filling and tasty
CONS: These things are freaking gigantic, and if you have a small mouth, you aren’t going to fit many in.
PROS: If you like apples, this is the cereal for you!
CONS: Why have just apple when you can have 5 flavors with Froot Loops?
Franken Berry/Boo Berry
PROS: Less filling! The berry turns your beer blue!
CONS: Personally, I (Mr. Festa) like to save them for Halloween, because they’re so perfect for that. Also, the images on box may scare young children.
PROS: Tastes like real cookies!
CONS: This is one cereal that I just really, really, really like to have milk with. Milk & cookies – come on! Also, like Honeycomb, they are HUGE and are good for snacking, but bad for shots.
Cereals Not Recommended for TBOX
Sorry, Tony! But FLAKE Cereals do NOT do well at TBOX. You’re welcome to bring them, but they have a bland appearance for shots, and the flakes have sharp edges. Same goes for anything in flake form that may claim to have health benefits, like Product 19, Special K, Total, Wheaties, etc…
Grape Nuts, Granola, Etc.
Dear Lord no. You’ll put your eye out!!!!
This is an issue we have to address, as Fiber One has, despite our best efforts, become a thing at TBOX. Our very own Big Jason, legend of TBOX, decided as a joke in 2007 to go “against the grain” and bring a box of this wonderful product, which is in every way THE ANTITHESIS of the TBOX Cereal Experience, and as un-sexy as you can get. It’s hard to strike up a conversation with someone you’re hitting on when all they can think about are your bowel movements. But the sheer hipster irony of the Fiber One just would not die. So at TBOX2010, we embraced the notion and memorialized Big J as the Mayor of “Fiber Island” – the secret TBOX2010 Team where you were exiled if you were kicked off one of the other 4 Cereal Teams (FrootLoopTopia, LuckyCharmLand, TrixTown, and CrunchBerryKingdom) – so if you’re misbehaving at TBOX, be careful, you might just end up on Fiber Island!